This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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