I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
