I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
