oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
