Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
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