I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
