Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize