If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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