i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
