omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
