you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
