i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
