When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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