Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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