Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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