Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
