Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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