I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
