Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
