even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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