YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
