I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
