What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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