So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
