cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
