Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
