Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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