if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
