it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
