so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
