She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
