the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He felt like a one man threesome
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
