i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
