I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
