Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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