Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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