You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
