currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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