we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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