Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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