Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
