Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
