wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize