dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
