I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
