Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
