dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
