I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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