nut hugger
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
