Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
