I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
