Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
