On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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