too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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