I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
