the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
