So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
