I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
