I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
