well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
