I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
