i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
