how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
