You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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