New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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