Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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