Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
