I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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