dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
